Words Get Under Your Skin Like Needles, so Let Me be the Doctor

I want to live forever, or at least be remembered for that amount of time. Oh, Twilight the film is getting closer and closer. As a writer, you cannot possibly fathom what excitement I'm feeling. A great series that desires great recognition. Of course, it's being recognized without my help; I just wanted to talk about it.

I'm re-reading this book. ZigZag, to be exact. I can across a line that just totally rang true: one of the hardest things about growing up is finding out that there's just somethings you're not going to be good at. Well, that's not verbatum, but you get the picture. I'm doing something right now that I want so badly, but I don't think I'm all that great at it, no matter how hard I try.

I've been told that I have a very good chance for success, but that's not really their decision. It's the decision of my nerves and if I can make it through the audition process. If not, I'm pretty much nothing next year. I'll still have the words and I'll still have the pen, but I won't be doing anything. Turning 17 this month, I've realized that I've been so eager to grow up that I haven't really lived. Deja vu just hit...

'Tis a writer's double edge sword, I suppose! We're such loners and we accept that, but at some points, we do want to interact. It's not that we're not sociable, no, it's quite the opposite. It's just hard to fit into a puzzle if you're a piece that's from an entirely different puzzle. The configurations are all wrong. That's me at some points.

Not 100% sad because I know that somewhere, there's a puzzle and I'm its missing piece. *Sigh* I should quit while I'm ahead. But, then again, quitting while ahead is still the same as quitting; eventually you will be passed.

Still Undiscovered,

The Undiscovered Writer

"You can have anything you want, but you better not take it from me." --Guns and Roses, "Welcome to the Jungle"

Well, the This is Push contest deadline has came and went. A little under a month and I'm already sweating the results. I think that it's just a false hope (to a point), but all my little "editiors" seem to think otherwise. My intuition counts, but, then again, right now I'm living like it's nine in the afternoon. Thoughts are blooming, and I've never felt so good.

Speaking of ideas, I have so many bubbling in my head and they're good. I can see them hitting bookshelves, to which they've live there only shortly before being adopted. Resu...Kancis...1865...Asylums...It all seems so good. The only issue? I can't seem to push the pencil, which is something a "professional pencil pusher" like myself should be able to do.

I wonder if Hawthorne ever felt this way. He had to 'ave. If you read "Custome-House," you'll know he did. Imagine: a profession that'll be mocked by your ancestors. Hawthorne knew it, felt it, and still persued it. That's me, and for once, I has someone aknowledge that.

I still think my time is almost here.

"The finest piece of imaginative writing yet put forth in the country..."

Henry James only thought that because he never made it to meet me.

Falling into a scarlet consequence because my name will be echoed across the centuries,

The Undiscovered Writer

"I'll take my chances on truckstops and statelines..." --The Academy Is...

I don't think. Life's to hard for that. I want to be a somebody. I deserve to be a somebody. When will it be my turn? When will I get to say "Hey, I made it." You know, if this town ever gave me anything, it's that life only gives one shot at greatness. People living in big cities, there's more to do, but in small town, I realize that there's nothing else to do. It's either this, or be miserable. That's the difference in the upbriging.

I've sumitted Penpals of the Past. I'm nervous. The deadline isn't until Friday, and it's been raining like hell so I hope my manuscript didn't get soaked, but I just want to know. Whose is the best? I have to know. It's getting down to the wire, and I'm more and more tired. Of waiting. I need it now. I want it all. There's big stars in my eyes, but I'll be an even bigger star than them combined. This is what happens when you suck at school and escape to a word of vampires to die for. I want to create characters like that.

The chances are slim, even with Kancis it has a good feel. Like it won't take long. Why does it take writes two, three years to write a novel, when I can write one in two, three months? And the quality's the same. They've been given chances, and I'm stuggling to take one. I'm a thief. In the immortal words of Pete, "Sometimes we take chances, sometimes we take pills." I want to take so great a chance and it have such great awards that I don't want to need the pills.

That's my life. I live it.

So, to everyone at my school...Look out. This is where I'm headin'. Be nice to be today and I might drop your name along the way.

Where will you be in twenty years? Will it be where you want to be?

Still...Still...But not standing still,

The Undiscovered Writer

"For the first time in a long time I can say that I want to try to get better and overcome each moment in my own way." --Motion City Soundtrack

Time to breath some life into this journal...and talk about 2008. Well, I've been having trouble posting stuff, in case you haven't noticed. That's okay, though, because my mind's been growing and actively learning the past few weeks. I discovered a series: Twilight, New Moon, and Eclipse. Amazing stories. Currently, thanks to Twilight, I'm reading Wuthering Heights.

On the writing front, I'm currently still in the typing process for Penpals of the Past and I'm over halfway done. I'm entering it into a contest and I have good feelings about it. Seriously. I'm also writing the second novel of the series, and a story that I can't even describe yet. In other news, I just stumbled across a new story idea. It'll be called Asylum and take place over one hundred years ago.

Of course, the music is going good, too. My zine is much better than I imagined. Love it. It doesn't take up a lot of my time and already I'm psyched for Warped. Imagine the interviewing possibilities! Ooohh!

So, armed with some Motion City Soundtrack tunes, a new pair of glasses, and a vocabulary that includes 'ostentatious,' I'm taking over. Don't doubt it. Just accept it.

Working on getting rid of the un-,

The Undiscovered Writer

Edit: I tried to post this three weeks ago, but I couldn't. Still, I wanted it put up.

QotD: "If you're walking down the right path, and you're willing to keep walking, eventually you'll make progress." --Barack Obama

Stetching my fingers over the keyboard because I can't play piano keys and stretching is good. This is only a test. Life is only a test. And while I once was passing that class with only five points, I'm averaging at a C, but what's so good about being average? Let the words flow.

I can sing what can't be sung and I can do what can't be done. It's the basis for every success. My time is coming and the only thing I'm armed with is a few clever phrases and one heck of a playlist. But that's okay 'cause I was taught in an arms race, arm yourself with such. This is how we make it. This is how we take it. This is how we fake it.

I can look back at this moment and ask it if it will be my memory. It'll send me letters and ask me how I've been. How I've changed.

I never let those close to me see my work. That would be too difficult. But...I've never been one to take the easy way out. I don't live like that.

I think I'm ready for something more.

It's near my grasp and I just have to take it.

I'll make myself a legend.

~The Undiscovered Writer

I might have made a mistake, but I'm too emo to know. Unstable. Yep, that's me. I'm making these plans in grand scemes and it's just going to smack me in the face. I feel so stupid--kinda like crying. And in the end of the day, the only thing I think is 'you'll never make it.' I realized that today. I won't be the writer I want to be; I won't have the love I want. I'll just exist. A person living only to watch today roll in to tomorrow. I'll just be pathetic. I don't know why I thought I could...why I should have...My goals aren't getting anyway, but way away. Face it: I'll be stuck in this town forever. And though I've learned never to pen something (or type, in this case) you don't want others to have proof of, I can't help this. I just feel sad. All the while, he went on about her and...I can't write it out. That means something. I just...ugh. I make statements without opening my mouth, but this time I did open my mouth. 'Could be together perfectly perfect together.' Brand New stated that. It couldn't ring more true in my mind. I don't know what to do. I'm the best that'll never be. I don't get it! Why am I the one with the friends that don't recongize when she's truely upset. Then again JEW once said for me not to write myself off yet. I believe in futures. I really do. It's all in his hands now. But I think I can predict the outcome. I've wrote one just like it.

"Can I say that there’s something wrong with this place?" --SugarCult

Well, I promised it and here it is: the characters of Penpals of the Past. Enjoy! Remember, though it's under copyright. Don't use, "borrow," or otherwise take these chacters without permission. Thanks!

Mina Revere-16.

Mina’s our protagonist from Ohio. She has an older brother in college who is everything their parents dream of. Mina is assigned Gabriella as a penpal and--because of an ironic series of events--at the Debutante Ball attempts suicide.

Abby Heymen- 15.

Abby’s been going to Annesberg for a few years, ever since she told her parents she was bi. In attempt to ‘straighten’ her out, they sent her to Annesburg. A true Texan, she sports the accent and the boots a lot. She has a crush on Margoe.

Roxy Jacobs - 16.

Roxy’s the richest girl on campus. When Mina first transferred to Annesburg, Roxy caught wind that she’s on a partial scholarship and makes fun of Mina because of it. She’s not exactly the prettiest, but gets away with anything, we can assume because of the money her parents have donated to the school.

Margoe Bilston- 16.

Margoe is Roxy’s right hand woman, speaking for her when Roxy doesn’t feel like it. At first, she was kind to Mina, but later stopped talking to her because of Roxy. At the Ball, it’s Margoe who finds Mina with slits on her wrist in the bathroom.

Gabriella Gables- 16.

In 1917, Gabriella committed suicided. However, she’s able to write to Mina, who’s in the year 2007. Whatever happens to Gabriella happens to Mina and the two share an uncanny look that’s almost the same.

Ewan DeLevin-16.

At a time, Ewan and Roxy were related. He spends time with her still, but doesn’t exactly enjoy it. Ewan asks Mina if he can escort her to the Ball and even after her attempted suicide, still wants to form a possible relationship with her. He invites her to his family’s summer home in California for the summer.

How's that sound? Feedback would be nice!

A Literary Unknown,

The Undiscovered Writer

"You and me are gonna be stars." - Madina Lake, Stars

So yeah, I went to the Sleeping with Giants tour in Columbus, Ohio. It was last Thursday. Greatest day of my life. Bryce Avary from The Rocket Summer is even cuter in person; I told my friend I wanted to bake him cookies just for his adorableness....But his set was ah-may-zing! On his keyboard, he had Christmas lights--Christmas lights, people!--and twice during the show the crowd was sprayed with confetti. I have a piece somewhere around the house. He probably had the most creative set.

Armor for Sleep was amazing. Anthony threw a pick in to the crowd and it hit my friend in the face. No lie. Ooooh, and I got to talk to PJ!! My talking-to-a-rock-star cherry was popped! Yep. And get this: Cobra Starship was actually cool. Like, I went in not expecting to like it, but they were awesome. And they had Beck come sing on "Bring It."

The Academy Is...Well, the only thing I can say about them....I'll sum up the three things that stick out the most in my mind: 1)I almost cried when they started playing "Down and Out;" 2)Becks had holes in his jeans in awkward places; and 3)I will NEVER, EVER, forget Beckett coming off stage and singing 'our time is almost/our time is almost here/our time is almost/our time is almost here.' It's just something you can't fully comprehend unless you know just how much I love music. Those lines mean so much to me.

I love the concert scene. At the same time, it makes me frustrated. What am I doing with my life? What am I doing to give people what musicians give me? When will I be living the life I want? The other day, I did some things I'm not proud of, all because of my Algebra II class. Basically, I ended up crying. But, it made me think: I'm not so good at math and it really depresses me. I dunno. I'm good at writing, so much that if my skills are 2% of my talent, writing is 98%. It's unbalanced, in other words.

I have a new project in the making. It's called Live Original. It's my new zine! It's going to focus on original music, original musicians, and original fans. It's going to be ten issues, one point. I'm looking to interview ten awesome band, most of them with Buzznet/FOE profiles. I won't name drop--no one's been confirmed--but I'm excited. I want to make it as a writer now. I'm restless (and tired of sleeping with giants...heh, heh). I need to accoplish something. I need to prove my self worth.

Look for more imformation about Live Original in an upcoming post. At this point, I haven't fully determined whether or not I want to try it. This one would be a big commitment. What does everyone think? Should I go for it?

Trying to take the U-N off her title,

The Undiscovered Writer

QotD: "The part of a person that's remarkable is like the umeboshi on the back of a rice ball. All around the world, there are different colors, shapes, and flavors, but because it's stuck to the back, they might not be able to see their precious umeboshi. 'I'm not special,' each one would think, 'just plain ole rice.' Even though that's not true, and there is an umeboshi on the back. The reason people get jealous of one another is because they can see the umeboshi on other people's backs. Even now, someone might be feeling envious of something you don't recognize in yourself. " --Tohru Honda {FB}

Anyone else think that when FOB tries to make a point in their music videos, it doesn't make full sense? (Yes, I'm talking about Me + U). That's not what I came to discuss, though. It's been a while and in that while I've have quite a good life, so I'm going to enlighten you for the next for minutes.

I've started reading this manga called Fruits Basket. If you've never heard of it, I highly recommend you Google it this instant, unless you're undeniable emo, them Wikipedia it. Anyway, it's just about the greatest thig ever. From a reader's perspective, you just fall so in love with it. From a writer's perspective, the characters are so rich and the plot line's practically unflawed. I dream I could think of something this good.

Anyway, I've scraped SPARB. Yep, I only had 11 issues in me. Still, when I go to submit my resume to Alternative Press, it'll definately be on there. However, my lastest novel--which I estimated to be 80 pages SO FAR written--it going swell. I think I'll be putting up character descriptions within my upcoming post. I'm almost done. In the story, it's late March and it's going to end mid-to-late April. You do the math. With my study halls, it'll be done soon.

I've never understood why some writers take years and years to write a single book, unless they're putting a lot of editing and revising time in. I mean, talk about living in a house of writers blocks.

Other undiscovered information is that, you know, I cannot stand hypocrits. I mean it. Some people just...I don't understand how people can be so cruel; so low. It makes me want to...I should just write it all off. Base them in to characters and be done with it. That's how I deal with my troubles. I need the pen, far more than an emo kid needs a razor. I just stereotyped, but it's okay. I'm about 82% emo, which qualifies me to do so.

 

 

I always go to sleep with stars in my eyes.

Every single morning I wake up wondering why.

But I came upon the realization:

I'm meant for a different life.

The Undiscovered Writer

QotD: "If you wanna live life on your own terms, you gotta be willing to crash and burn." --Motley Crue

Ugh, I feel so sluggish. I totally missed to days of band practice last week. Hhm. Yeah. For once, I think about not going to go on a big binge about how much my life sucks. Just read the poem I wrote and you'll understand it all.

Anyway, writing right now is going so awesome for me! My story, Penpal of the Past, is going well. I don't want to say too much about it, as to not jinx it, but I'm such a romantic writer in the sense that I like to use paper and pencil more that computer and keyboard. It's going nice. This on has real potential. When I start typing it--which won't be before December, probably--I'll put some of it here.

Summer's almost over, which is a drag. Then again, I need some inspiration. It's weird, because now I'm learning to blend everyday life in to writing, which has never been an easy task for me. Take my music: I can't always put myself in to it. I make up characters. That's just the way I work.

Anyway, read the poem. Tell me what you think.

Wishing from The Boys of Summer,

The Undiscovered Writer

 

 

Pink Daisy

Late night champagne

For the symbolism in my brain.

Painted the hearts

And glued them the same.

Functioned by buttons

Pressed by the ‘elite.’

Stopping and stalling:

It’s taking the streets.

And all I have to tell you is that I screwed up,

But I knew that you loved my and that was enough.

Life-drawn markers,

Perfection in your eyes.

Everyone dies,

So why do I cry?

Take this empty hole

And fill it ’til it’s full.

Fix this broken heart,

So the pain’s not such a pull.

It’s hanging from the ceiling,

My reminder every day.

One day I’ll look up at you

To tell you I’m okay...

It’s my reminder every day.

QotD: "Suicidal eduaction got sold to a generation. Wake up to the manipulation; wake up to the situation." --The Living End

Well, as some of you know--mainly you left-handers--its ILHD! Yah! Party! Okay, post: last week I was at Band Camp. It was 104 degrees. No lie. We were on heat advisory and some chic even passed out. So the next time you feel like complaining, think about the band in 104 degree heat from 10:00 am to 8:00pm. Thank you.

I got a flag solo. I don't want it. I tried to quit but I wasn't allowed. Dude, like 5 people quit! I'm special why...On the plus side, though, I get to go see The Academy Is...come November! Heck yes! It was a con with my parents: land the solo for tickets. Little did they know that I already got the solo. Ah, genius.

I'm babysitting right now, so I have to go. More later. I just thought you all would want to know about my BC experience. Bye!

The Undiscovered Writer

 

QotD: "I was emo and wanted to go home!" --Seth Cohen(aka, the coolest emo ever)

So, Showchoir Camp was awesome. There were troubles, but, still, it was awesome. Oh, BTW, I met a guys who composed music for High School Musical 2. I'm not a fan of HSM, but he played some of the music for us, so I can tell people, so...cool. It was a tense week.

But I'm not writing about that. No. I'm making I new writing project! It's going to be called Emo Dictionary! I kid not! It's not going to be completely serious, but's not full-on parody. But here's the thing, I want everyone's advice. What words should I cover? I've already got a list, but I want to know. What words come to mind when you hear emo?

What bands?

What labels?

What type of fashion sense?

Let me know and I could just use it! Thanks.

The Undiscovered Writer

PS>I'm excited to see Hairspray. I saw it on Broadway and even if its not as amazing (it won't be), I'm going. Heck yes.

Hello. Major long time no see. I've been home for a week now, I've just been deciding what to say. See, being in New York with LeadAmerica changed me--completely for the better. But before I say anything about that, I'll tell you my highlights: saw Rent on Broadway, likewise Hairspray, helped put on Twelvth Night in 8 days (I was P.A.!), and was on t.v. Can anyone else say experience of a lifetime?

It was really more than that, though. I met some amazing people from all over the United States--I'm definately going to Texas one day and definately California. For the first time, I wasn't judged because I fit in. I wasn't the awkward writer, just a teen who's miles and miles from home. We stayed at Wagner College, which is quite possible the most beautiful campus with the most beautiful view. From my room I could see the Varazzono Bridge, which takes one to Staten Island.

See, I'm going to Showchoir camp on the 8th and I know it's not going to be half the experience of LeadAmerica. SCA's fun, but I'll never forget my first time in New York. And plus, I just found the most awesome soundtrack ever: Hairspray. You guys, I'm so excited for the movie. I'm a-counting the days.

I think I've changed in the most sense that I'm no longer focused on writing, writing, writing, but having a social life. Oh sure, it sounds stupid, but I'm 16. C'mon. I'm not saying I've giving up writing--heavens no--but it's not the main focus anymore. I still want to be a published writer, it's just not going to make me as anti-social anymore. And, get this, I'm actually considering journalism for college. JOURNALISM! Never did I ever...But I could go to Cleveland State, major in Journalism, and get and intership with Alternative Press. Yup, that's the dream life.

I have other news, as well. First one is that I made suad leader in band, which is huge. I mean, I get to teach people how to march! Sorry, that's something to me. The last bit of news is that I won $250 through an Alternative Press contest to go to Power Chord Academy. May I repeat: PCA. If you have no ide what that is, where have you been?? Google it!

That's all for now. I hope all of you have a very safe holiday weekend (for us Americans) and a wonderful Fourth of July (for us Americans). For those not celebrating, have a safe weekend anyway and have a wonderful Wednesday. Cheers!

Leading the W-A-Y,

The Undiscovered Writer

QotD: "To be successful you have to be dumb enough to think you can change the world and smart enough to know how."--Clint Borgen

Well, children, life is very interesting for me right now. I did not make the school showchoir, but I'm not letting it get me down because the time for New York is coming closer and closer. That's right--I'm going to New York Thurdays--tomorrow, I guess!--for the first time and I'll be flying for the first time. Flying alone. Scary, but awesome. I'm just excited to get out of this town for a while.

I'm not even done packing yet, which makes this even more interesting. And I'm so swamped! My grandma got me a computer for my birthday though, so I don't always have to be waiting for the computer to type something, which helps. I need to straighten my room up, too, and print out each issue of SPARB...Then there's always the 'held your head high because there's still next year for showchoir.' Still, it's hard to think you've got something special when you're always losing.

I mean, some people are born with all the luck, so they get what they want. Then there's those like me who try their hardest, but their hardest isn't good enough. That's where writing comes in, see. What I'm not, my characters have the chance to be. Characters can get dates. Characters can have success in their talent. Characters can have money.

I'm stuck in my little worlds that I write down on paper. Okay, granted I'm so happy that I'm leaving town tomorrow for ten days--its actually for the best--but I would feel so much better knowing I got one thing that I really wanted. Life's a scam for me and takes what it pleases. Maybe I just surround myself with higher people...

Or maybe I'm just unlucky. I still have my guitar though. I still have my jewelry. I still have my writing, which is currently overbooked. I should just read a book. That always calms me down. Or do...Something. Write out the frustration. Listen to Fall Out Boy. I mean, serious...

WHY THE HELL DO I MAKE FRIENDS WITH THE FUCKING LUCKY ONES?

My mind's slightly lost right now. You want to know who my latest writing hero is? Leslie Simon. FYI, shye works for Alternative Press and I adore her. She so awesome and, along with Trevor Kelley, taught me how to me even more emolicious! Heh, heh.

I think I should go now. I feel like I've wrote a lot tonight. And you know what they say: bad luck makes for good music and books. So don't worry about me. Besides, I'm watching the vid for Not Good Enough for the Truth in Cliche. ETF heals all. And they're hot.

Knowing you wish you had that lefty curse as well,

The Undiscovered Writer

QotD: "Do not worry about your trouble with living. It's the ones with the sorest throats...Who've done the most singing." --Bright Eyes

As most of you know, My novel From these Letters is about a girl who cuts herself and is sent away to a residential treatment facility. What none of you know, however, is that it's inspired by an event that actually happened to me. I take you back to my eighth grade year: 2004 to 2005, especially April 2005. I'm not going to tell you everything, but I'll tell you that my passion for music started then. That's why no one will ever completely understand how much music has affected me and saved me. However, I can give you this list.

It has the videos that heavily influenced me during that time and kept me sane. Before you ask, no, I'm not in an emo mood, I just feel like sharing. If I wanted to be sad, I'd think about one of my friends whose having seizure upon seizere. That kid's amazing and...maybe you guys can keep her in your thoughts? Anyway, with the list:

1. A Decade Under the Influence: Taking Back Sunday
2. Anthem of Our Dying Day: Story of the Year
3. Broken: Seether ft. Amy Lee
4. Buried a Lie: Senses Fail
5. Existentialism on Prom Night: Straylight Run
6. Hold On: Good Charlotte
7. Jude Law and a Semester Abroad: Brand New
8. Little Sister: Queens of the Stone Age
9. Look What You've Done: Jet
10. Memory: Sugarcult
11. Miss You: Blink-182
12. Ocean Avenue: Yellowcard
13. Ocean Breathes Salty: Modest Mouse
14. Only One: Yellowcard
15. Pieces: Sum41
16. Scars: Papa Roach
17. Silver and Cold: AFI
18. Swing Life Away: Rise Against
19. This Photograph is Proof (I Know you Know): Taking Back Sunday
20. Work: Jimmy Eat World

See, my life will always revolve around the music and the pen. It's who I am. Why can't person A and person B realize that? Maybe they like rifts. Maybe...

Oh, my the way, if you guys want to give me suggestions for my 200 list, you can. The songs just have to be from the punk, rock, or alternative genres. There's not specific time period. Merci beaucoup. 

Cute and Quotable,

The Undiscovered Writer

PostScript> Comments, maybe? Drop me a note. I'd really appreciate it for this post.

QotD: "The problem isn't living forever--it's learning to live with yourself forever." --Capt. Jack's Daddy

Well, I'm offically 16. It's nice. I forgot to add these two things on my lists of firsts: tried sushi and went to Showchoir Camps of America in Tiffin. So cool.

Anyway, I have a new story idea. Well, more like a book idea because it's not really a story. It's a list, actually, of 200 songs. Each one's going to have an explination. I'm not going to go on details (I don't have to), but when the entire list is done, I'll post the songs here in eight installments. It'll be called 200 Songs of Rock, Punk, and Alternative to Hear Before You Die.

I have Colorguard try-outs tomorrow. I'm nervous. This will be my second year, but after a small break down a few days ago, I don't think I'll do the best. And it makes me mad that I've been doing this for a year, but I get people who've never picked up a flag in their life and they're better than me. Yes, I'll admit it: I get jealous. Sue me.

I guess that's all for now kids. I hope everyone's enjoying summer vacation and that you all are making and keeping your goals.

Knowing Nancy=Yuko,

The Undiscovered Writer